Long Time No Post

it’s been a while. an optimistic end of semester approaches and could be the foundation for an exciting summer. the current dilemma is as to which girl to ask to a semi formal and that will be decided tomorrow *fingers crossed* if not I’ll drink until I am entertained.

my mind has been clear lately, doesn’t feel like it’s full of cotton which is a delightful change to be honest.

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Dealing With children

Elections are approaching for my main time waste, and a VP is what I am aspiring to. I’m trying to be optimistic but I can’t kid myself too much. My fault is a lack of patience for these children, who in all honesty like a young boy trying to figure out what his first boner means. My opponents are average, both terrible performances on their current jobs, absolutely terrible. But as I have discovered they make everyone else feel good about themselves one thing I do not do unless it is merited. the leader re sates what a person says then adds: that is a really good point but this could also be of value.

I’ve never been on a board run this poorly two years in a row under different leaderships, such lack of competency on all subordinates, such time wasting, and they act surprised when I stop being nice and tell them how stupid they are for a set of reasons. It seems to be coming down to a vote based on who is better friends, who is nicer not who has actually done their job or done it well, reward is no longer based on merit.

I hope the Founders wouldn’t be ashamed we are going against their core values.

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The Last Step

the time of closing approaches, the last monumental challenge. There’s a sinking feeling that I won’t make it, almost 100% certain, it’s scary, terrifying, crippling. It rocks me to my core and I can only whisper in my head for help. I know i don’t deserve it, I don’t deserve a happy ending, I don’t deserve help, a demon in disguise, with a smile, hair and eyes to camouflage myself. I haven’t done all I could, I threw away too much, and even the optimist in my heart says it can’t be done, says I don’t deserve it. The fire of hope is nothing but a candle light and there’s only so much darkness it can fight.

And hidden in the darkness are the thoughts that are supposed to lie burried.

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Learning Curve

Every time I think I know something, am sure of something, later on upon reflection I realize I didn’t. I thought I knew things, about myself, that I had a plan, and very little does it work out.

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Another Day

Going over past thoughts is fun on occasion. For the most part its enlightening. Watching the swings back and forth like a pendulum, gotta stop. Yesterday a decision was made, one that was necessary but possibly detrimental, I can feel the tendrils creepy back over me. following the twists and turns of my mind, going down the the corners that I don’t even know about. I made it a month and a half, I’ve filled in the cracks, fortified, re-enforced, I’ll make it further this time, I’m made mental notes of things not to do. I’ll be fine. The water still calls, it misses me, I miss it, I’ll go back, I actually will. Food still has little taste, I know what it is, but it feels more like a memory than an actual feeling. I need to sleep less,waste less time. be more productive. It won’t be easy but as long as it helps I’ll be fine.

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why don’t you call and come home

I think I may have spoken too much but that’s ok, some things need to be dealt with. I fell, peachy keen I suppose, top EH hahahaha, I cant look back but the past is so bright and beautiful, If I have to glimpse it again I’l loose myself without a shadow of a doubt, I need to stop drinking, entirely, maybe learn to type and smash my head off a wall or two. Thank God for school

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Party of One

One of those days. Haven’t had the misfortune of one is a very long time, nothing exciting, nothing fun, just a little more downhill. Unfortunately Jack can’t join or any of my other friends but Mr. Triggs will make a guest appearance. Song on repeat and a evening of nothing lies ahead, who knows something fun may happen.

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